Search for the marvelous
by Andra-ggfan
Summary: Lorelai doesn't think her daughter is happy so she asks for his help. But it's been years since they've last seen each other and she's changed. Can he do anything or is it too late?
1. Prologue

**A/N: This is a story that's literally been bugging me for years. A bit of a warning, there is some strong language in later chapters and it's definitely very different from 'Flat Screen Saga'. I really hope you like it.  
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**Prologue**

"**Ordinary life does not interest me. I seek only the high moments. ****I am in accord with the surrealists, searching for the marvelous."**

"Jess…I need your help."

Lorelai whispers, looking at the young man standing in front of her, a confused look on his face.

"Come in." He states simply, not knowing how else to react. Moving to the side, he waits for her to step in and then shuts the door behind her. He points to the couch. "Want to sit down? I can make coffee or something…"

Sitting down, she just shakes her head. "I think the sooner I get this out, the better." Jess nods, taking a seat on the other end of the couch, as far away from her as he possible.

"I don't know if you've heard that Rory's getting married."

"Luke's mentioned something." He mumbles in reply, waiting for her to continue.

"I'm sure you can imagine that this isn't the easiest spot for me to be in and, frankly, I'm still not sure what exactly I'm trying to say here but…I don't think she's happy. She's not herself lately and I think she's just going though with this because she thinks she has to, because she's afraid to disappoint my parents and Logan."

"Huh."

She continues, looking down at her hands. "I don't doubt that she has feelings for Logan but I don't think she loves him the way you're supposed to love the one you're going to spend the rest of your life with. And I don't want her to be miserable."

"Well, sorry to break it to you, but Rory's a big girl. I'm sure she knows what she's doing."

"I don't doubt she has very good reasons for going through with the wedding. I'm even willing to bet she's made a few pro/con lists. But she's taking what really matters out of it and settling for a cozy life. She's forgotten how to be over-the-moon happy."

"Let's say for a second I agree with you. What exactly do you expect me to do, Lorelai?" He asks, his voice harsh and angry. "Show up at the church and object to her wedding?"

"Nothing as dramatic as that. Just come. See her. Talk to her. If you think I've completely lost my mind I'll agree with you and keep all this to myself. But I need someone else to tell me if she's happy."

"And you thought I could do that? I haven't seen her in 3 and a half years. I haven't spent more than an hour with her in 6. Why do you think I could tell you that?"

"Because…you know her. I'm old enough to know that there are different ways of knowing someone. And while I can talk movies and food and life with her, you know her like I never will, nor do I want to. You two loved each other. You could deny it but well…I'm not stupid. I saw it. When you share that intimacy with someone, you get to know them. Who they really are. And, hey, it only took you one conversation to get her to go back to Yale. I tried for months. We all did."

"You're overestimating what I did. I was in the right place at the right time. She wanted to go back, I just gave her a push."

"So…why can't you do that again this time? Not give her a push just…see if she needs one. It's even less than that."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair, thinking about what she'd just said. He looks at her and sees her biting her lip _-the same way she used to do it, damn it-_ waiting for his answer. He sighs again and clenches his fists.

"Nope. Sorry. I finally have a good life and I'm not going to mess everything up by going down the same road I always go. I'm not going to risk anything by meddling in something I shouldn't. If she's unhappy, though. She can get a divorce later on. I can't be a knight in shining armor. I've never been one and probably never will be."

"Jess, I'm not asking you to risk anything. Just talk to her. Once. One hour, that's all it would take."

He shakes his head, sadly. "Sorry."

"Yeah, figured this was a long shot." She says, standing up and picking up her purse. "You still should come see Luke sometime. He misses you."

"If he wants to see me, I'm here. I call, I'm being good. I'm just not going back there."

Nodding, Lorelai looks at him again. "I understand. I'm sorry if anything I said today upset you."

Jess stands up as well, shoving his hands deep in his pockets. "For what it's worth…I hope you're wrong."

"Yeah, me too." She sighs, opening the front door and walking out, closing it slowly behind her and leaving the young man looking at it, trying to understand what she'd just asked him.

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Almost a week later, Lorelai is sitting in her living room, watching TV when she hears the phone ringing. She picks it up and pushes the button, waiting to hear her daughter's voice at the other end, getting ready to talk about menus and favors again.

"Wedding planning central, please state your requests before the tulle attacks again." She says quickly, looking at the pile of material next to her on the couch.

"_Lorelai…?"_ The voice at the other end is barely above a whisper and she turns off the sound on the TV.

"Jess." She just acknowledges him, waiting to hear what he has to say.

"_Can you get her there this weekend? I can be there on Saturday."_

"I'll find a way."She smiles. "Was the supermarket running a sale on shining armor?"

She hears him chuckling at the other end and relaxes a bit.

"_The universe conspired. But I'm not promising anything. I'll just talk to her and see how she is."_

"That's all I'm asking."

"_And if I think she's happy?"_

"I'll back off, I swear."

"_See you Saturday then."_

"Ok. Jess…than…"

"_Don't. Not yet, anyway."_ He stops her before she manages to finish her sentence and she nods.

"Ok. I'll see you then."


	2. Saturday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I'm putting a lot of work into this story and it means a lot to know some people like it.  
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**Saturday**

That Saturday, Lorelai and Rory are sitting in the diner, chatting about flowers for the wedding when the door opens. They both turn around to face the door and see Jess walking in, his old leather jacket in his hand and a book in the back pocket of his jeans. He looks around and spots the two women, nodding quickly as a greeting then heads for the counter, waiting for Luke to come back from the kitchen.

When she finds her voice again, Rory looks at her mother.

"Did you know he was coming?"

Lorelai lifts her hands up in the air. "I had no idea. I don't think Luke knew anything either."

"Sure?" She questions her mother again.

"Yes. Why?" Lorelai returns the question, making her daughter squirm a little in her chair.

"I just…wanted to know."

"Ok. If that's all."

"That's all." Rory says, turning around to see Luke and Jess talking, both of them looking happy to see the other one. Before long, they see Jess nodding and turning around, heading for their table. He stands, looking at the two of them.

"Hey."

"Hey, Jess. Grab a seat." Lorelai offers and Rory shoots her an angry look, then focuses her eyes back on her cup of coffee.

"Hi, Rory." Jess pushes, and she looks up at him.

"Hi." She mumbles quickly.

"Jess, you should have said you were coming over. I could have found you a room at the inn." Lorelai says, trying to let him in on her lie.

"I'm just passing through. Don't worry about it."

"Really?"

"Leaving tomorrow. It was cheaper to fly from New Haven then Philly. Thought I'd stop for a quick visit. The old bed will do just fine for a night."

"Ok. Where are you headed?"

"West." He answers quickly, trying to avoid more questions.

"Have a safe flight, wherever you're going."

"Thanks."

Lorelai looks at her daughter, then back at him and he nods slowly, just for her to see. She picks up her phone from her purse and puts her hands on her daughter's arm. "Rory, I've got to make a quick call at the inn. I'll be right back, ok?" She finishes her sentence and stands up, not giving her a chance to reply then walks outside, leaving the two alone.

"Congratulations." Jess is the first one to say anything, pointing to the ring on her finger. She absentmindedly twists it.

"Thanks."

"Let me guess…the blond dick at Yale?"

"His name is Logan." She sighs frustrated, rolling her eyes.

"Close enough." He smirks.

"Jess…" She tries to threaten but ends up smiling as well. "You haven't changed."

"It's the jacket. It makes me do bad things."

She laughs a little, getting a smile from him in return. "Always has."

"If I ever get caught, that will be my defense in court."

"I'll come visit you in jail."

"Promise?" He smirks, cocking an eyebrow.

Before she gets a chance to reply, Luke comes to their table.

"Jess, do you want anything to eat?"

"I'm good, thanks."

"Where's Lorelai?" He asks, looking at Rory.

"Outside, had to make a call. She should be back any minute."

"Ok. Can I get you guys anything? More coffee, Coke, something?"

"Luke, we're fine, I promise." Rory reassures him.

"If you want something just shout, ok?"

"Uncle Luke, I know you're getting old, but try to remember we've both been here before and know how it works. Really. I actually worked here for a while, you may recall. If we need something, we'll find a way to get it." Jess replies sarcastically,

"Smart ass." Luke mumbles, going back to the kitchen.

"The jacket again?" She asks, giggling.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that." He smirks, looking outside the window only to see Lorelai walking back towards the door. "Your mother's coming back."

"Oh." She tries hard not to sound disappointed.

"I'll be at the bridge tonight. You should come by."

"Why?"

"Why not?" He counters her question. "We can catch-up. You can tell me about your wedding."

She nods hesitantly, trying to decide if it was a good idea. Before either of them can say anything else, Lorelai comes and sits back down in her chair.

"What did I miss?"

* * *

Later that night, Jess arrives at the old bridge only to find her already there. He sits down next to her, picking up his pack of cigarettes from his pocket and lights one, making the pack spin with his hand on the edge of the bridge. She doesn't even look at him, her eyes focusing on the stars reflected in the lake.

"Hey." She says softly and he just takes a drag out of his cigarette.

"Can I ask you something? And get an honest answer?"

She nods, still not looking at him. "Sure."

"Are you happy?" He jumps straight to his question.

"Define happiness." She replies, her voice soft.

"Don't argue semantics. You know what I mean."

"I'm not unhappy."

"Unhappy is not necessarily happy."

"Now who's arguing semantics?"

"I am." He replies with a smile, and she looks at him for the first time, smiling weakly as well.

"I'm content. I think that's a good definition of how I feel."

"And you're ok with that?"

"It's not a bad place to be. Not a bad thing to feel."

"To spend your life?"

"Why not?" She counters, looking at him and for the first time, he wonders why he's doing this.

"Because you're supposed to look for over the moon happy, not just content happy. If you're going to marry someone, he should at least make you happy."

"He does, Jess. Don't go there. You don't know him, us, together. We function."

"What? You go to fancy cocktail parties attached to his arm, wearing little black dresses and smile pretty, downing drinks and making small talk?" He attacks, hoping to make her angry or to get any emotional response from her. Instead, she just moves her eyes back towards the lake, focusing on the stars again.

"Sometimes. It's not as bad as you'd think."

"Oh, I'm sure it is. But, hey, if that's what you want to do with your life, then fine by me." He's starting to get angry at her numbness and lights another cigarette, throwing the first one in the lake.

"Then why are we having this conversation? I'm fine with it, you're fine with it, we're all fine."

"And nothing destroys your little bubble." He attacks her again.

"You don't know anything about my life so stop pretending you do. Maybe I live in a bubble. So what? What's it to you?"

"When you've lived your entire life not understanding happiness, reading about it in books and trying to figure out this alien concept, you start to care when you see people just throwing their chances away. You're right, I don't know anything about your life but I still know you, and I know that somewhere inside you still know what it's supposed to be about. That life should be more than just comfortable. That once in a while, you should want to scream your happiness to the world. That you should love madly, not just care and be used to someone. You're getting married in a month. If this is not the time to be walking on clouds, then when is?" He fires quickly, looking at her, hoping his words are getting through.

"When did you become an expert on happiness and love?"

"I'm not. I'm just saying that you should reconsider. Take a step back, think about it and see if this really is what you want to do. I have no interest in this. It's been a long time and, trust me, I'm not here to sweep you off your feet. Just think of this as a friend telling you he's worried and he'd like a chance to remind you what you're missing." The words fly out of his mouth, and he's only half-realizing what he's saying until she looks at him, surprise written over her face.

"You're serious?"

"I don't know. Maybe." He stands up, picking up his cigarettes from the edge of the bridge. "I'm leaving for California tomorrow morning. Come with me."

"Jess…" His name escapes her lips, while her mind is rushing a thousand miles a second, trying to process what he's saying. "Isn't that questions 6 years too late?" She asks him bitterly.

"It's not the same way I would have asked you back then." He replies, his words equally bitter. "Take it or leave it. I'm leaving for the airport in…" He looks at his watch. "8 hours. I'll be at the diner in case you decide to come."

With that he turns around and starts walking away, leaving her on the bridge looking at him, trying to understand what had happened. She considers calling his name but he's too far off to hear her, so she just looks back at the lake, not knowing what to do.

The next morning, he opens the front to the diner only to find her sitting there, a bag at her feet, clutching a paper cup with Al's logo on it. Rory stands up, picking his bag and he smiles, running a hand through his hair.

"This won't end well, Jess."

"Of course it won't. We never do."


	3. Sunday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. **

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**Sunday**

Later that day, they're on the plane, sitting next to each other. They've barely spoken since that morning, both of them trying to figure out they own thoughts. Rory looks down at her feet, smiling.

"These feel nice."

"Huh?" He asks, not knowing what she's talking about.

"The shoes." She points at her feet. "I've gotten used to wearing heels all the time. I'd forgotten how nice it is not to."

"Job requirement?"

"Not really. It's just…I don't know. People take me seriously if I'm dressed nicely and these really don't go with a suit."

"Fair enough."

"Are we ever going to talk about what's going on here?" She asks, looking at him, biting her lower lip.

"On the plane?" He counters her question.

"Why not? Jess, I don't even know where we're going. LA, yeah sure but after we get there? Do I need a hotel room?"

"Nope. I have a meeting with someone Wednesday. Jimmy and Sasha are out of town for a couple of weeks and need someone to housesit and feed the dogs. Lily's backpacking through Europe. Seemed like a good idea for me to do it. There's plenty of room for you."

"Sasha? Lily?"

"Jimmy's girlfriend and her daughter."

"And your meeting?"

"Someone that might be interested in publishing my book."

"Jess, that's fantastic." She gushes, putting her hand over his arm but he jerks it away, trying to avoid the contact. She looks down sadly at her hand and moves it back to her lap.

"What did Lorelai say when you told her you were going away with me?" He asks, trying to change the subject.

_Earlier that night, Rory's in her room, opening and shutting drawers, trying to find some clothes to pack. Lorelai knocks on the door, opening it slowly._

"_Rory, hon, what's going on?"_

"_I need to find something to wear." She answers, looking up from her bag. "I'm sorry, did I wake you?"_

"_Doesn't matter." She just dismisses it. "Where are you going?"_

"_California."_

"_Why?"_

"_Jess asked. I don't know why. I don't know why he asked or why I'm going. I just am, ok, so please don't try to change my mind."_

_Lifting her hands in the air, Lorelai tries not to smile. "I wasn't going to. It's your choice."_

"_Thanks." _

"_Can I help with anything?"_

"_Do you know where any of my old shoes are?"_

"_My closet. I can get them for you."_

"_Just a pair of sneakers should be fine."_

_Nodding, she agrees and leaves the room, only to come back a few minutes later clutching a pair of black Chucks in her hands. _

"_These ok?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Lorelai puts the shoes down then looks at her daughter as she closes the zipper on the bag. "I think I'm done." She moves closer and wraps her arms around her, giving Rory a hug._

"_Be careful, ok?"_

"_I will." Rory says, putting the shoes on and tying up the laces. She picks up her bag and heads for the door. Before she can open it, she turns around and looks at her mother one last time. "If Logan calls don't tell him…"_

"_I won't."_

"_Tell him you don't know where I am. I'll figure something out."_

"_Ok." Lorelai agrees, watching her daughter as she walks out of the room, then sits on the bed, hoping that whatever was going on was going to fix things._

"She was oddly calm about it."

"Huh."

"I don't get it but I'm not going to argue with it. Maybe she hasn't processed it yet. It was early and she hadn't had coffee for many hours."

"So expecting an angry phone call as soon as we land?"

"Could be." She replies, trying not to laugh.

"Tell me about your life." He states after a few more minutes of silence.

"What do you want to know?"

"Doesn't matter. This is a long flight. Might as well fill it with something."

"I don't know what to tell you. I can't just talk about things. Tell me what you want to know."

"How did you go from Yale graduate, ready to conquer the world to arm candy?" He asks and she looks at him, finally angry.

"Fuck you." She hisses, making the old man in the aisle seat look at her shocked.

"Sorry." Jess apologizes for her before she turns around and sees the man's disapproving look. "I'm sorry." The man just turns around, focusing back on his book, shaking his head.

"I'm not…that." She tries to argue but he just shakes his head.

"Of course not. Soon you'll be upgraded to trophy wife."

She just looks at him, her eyes shooting daggers. "The second this plane lands, I'm going back."

"Fine by me."

"If you're going to just attack me, why the hell did you ask me to come?" She whispers, trying to keep her voice as low as possible.

"Honestly, Rory? I don't know."

"I see nothing's changed. You'll do whatever, you'll live wherever…" She reminds him of what he'd said many years before. "…You'll screw with people just for the fun of it."

"I'm not that guy anymore, Rory. You're not that girl either. Is ice cream better from a crystal bowl?" He asks bitterly.

She just shakes her head, angry, and picks up a book from her purse and opens it, trying to distract herself from him. A few seconds later she slams the book down on her lap and looks back at him.

"I'm not like that. Just because Logan has money, it doesn't make him a bastard. And it doesn't mean I am marrying him just for that. I've been with him through everything. I was next to him when he he had nothing so don't accuse me of anything, when you have no idea what our lives are like."

"It's not about the money, Rory." He shakes his head, sadly.

"Then what the fuck is it about?"

The old man looks back at her. "Excuse me, miss, but could you please watch your words? This is a public space after all."

Blushing, she looks down. "I'm sorry. It won't happen again."

"Funny how you're the one getting chastised for language." Jess leans over and whispers in her ear, sending shivers down her spine and making her look at him _-damn those eyes, damn them, they were always too blue-. _"It's about who you are." He responds to her earlier question.

"Stop playing games, Jess." She almost begs. "Just say what you have to say."

"In here? You won't like it."

"Fine." She gives in. "One night. I'm going back tomorrow."

"Fair enough."

She sighs frustrated and picks up her book again but he stops her.

"Seriously, though…tell me about your life. I promise I won't make any comments."

"Oh, please." She snorts, trying not to laugh. "You're not going to have an opinion?" She asks him, disbelief in her voice.

"Didn't say that. Just said I won't comment."

"Fine, but if I tell you about my life, you have to tell me about yours."

"Why?"

"Seems like a fair deal. Quid pro quo."

"Ok." He concedes, crossing his fingers together. "Start."

"With?"

"You graduated from Yale. I'm not interested in hearing your stories about drinking with the rich kids."

"Jess…" She threatens, looking at him.

"Fine. Keeping my mouth shut."

"Better. Not talking shouldn't be that hard for you." She replies and he tries to ignore it, not wanting to start a fight on a plane. "So, the short version is like this…"

"Why the short version? This is an 8 hour flight. I'm pretty sure we have time for the long version."

"Because the long version is filled with parties and, frankly, I don't trust you to keep your mouth shut for that long and not make any snide comments."

"I said I wouldn't." He reacts, looking straight at her. "Twice, actually."

"I'd rather not give you a reason to comment. How about I tell you the medium sized version?" Rory responds, grinning and gets a smile out of him.

"Deal."

"Ok, so after I graduated, I got an internship at the New York Times. Those were probably the best 6 weeks of my life. I loved it. I got to see everything, even got a few articles published in the paper."

"You have them framed at home?"

"Yeah." She nods, biting her lips and looks at his smile.

"Congratulations." Jess replies. "You were always a good writer."

"Maybe…it all went down from there. After it ended, I got the 'sorry, but we're not hiring anyone right now, we'll keep you in mind if something changes' story. I couldn't find a job. Let's face, with the way the economy was two years ago no one was taking any chances on hiring new people, no matter where they had gone to college. I spent months looking for something but couldn't find anything."

"Where was…your fiancé all this time? Was he the fiancé or just a boyfriend back then?"

"Fiancé. He proposed just before I graduated. I said yes and well…here we are. We were supposed to get married that summer but he got a job in California. I should have joined him after my internship ended and look for something there but before I got a chance to, he quit and went back to work for his dad's firm."

Jess tries to say something but instead keeps quiet, remembering what he'd promised.

"I'm not sure what exactly went on. I just know that one day Logan was at my door, telling me he was going back and not to worry and yeah…I believed him. Finally, after months of not finding a job, his dad offered me one at one of his papers."

"Ok, who is this guy?"

"Mitchum Huntzberger."

"The newspaper guy." He acknowledges.

"Yeah, that one. It seemed like a good solution. He needed someone, I was unemployed and qualified. In the meantime, the small wedding I wanted turned into this huge thing. I don't know how. I think it was partly Logan, but mostly my grandparents and his parents who decided that this had to be a big production."

"I never pictured you as the big wedding type of girl."

"Yeah…I don't think I am. But it's just one day, isn't it? Doesn't matter that much. I can make them happy."

He sighs, running his hands though his hair. "And what are you giving up to make everyone else happy? Have you considered that?" He asks, whispering, not wanting the people around them to hear.

"It's one day, Jess. Not that important."

"Your wedding day isn't that important? You're willing to let everyone else have what they want. Put your picture in magazines, because I'm sure there's been at least one column in the social page of a random paper, use you as their little display doll to advertise that they got their way. I'm sure Emily must be terribly excited that you ended up with a suitable man and not some bastard like me."

Biting her lip and not knowing what to say, she just looks at him. "I thought you weren't going to comment." She manages to get out after a few seconds.

"My bad. That's all you have to say?"

"That and I was right. This isn't the place to get into this."

"Fine." He sighs, angered by her lack of reaction. He picks up a book that he'd thrown in the pocket of the seat in front of him and opens it.

"You're just going to read the rest of the flight?"

Putting down the book for a second, he looks at her. "Let's face it, Rory…no matter what we say, we're going to end up fighting. I think the shit movie that they're bound to show is enough in-flight entertainment. We can pick this up tonight. And frankly, I'm too angry to feel like making small talk about books or the weather."

Sighing, she picks up her own book, not bothering to look at him.

They ignore each other the rest of the flight, only looking from time to time when they think they won't be seen, both of them still not knowing exactly what was going on. As soon as they're out of the airport, he heads for a car with Rory following closely behind and opens the door, picking the keys from the glove compartment.

"That's safe." She snaps when she sees it.

"Who do you think is going to steal this piece of garbage?" He asks as he heads to the back of the car and opens the booth, throwing his bag in and then walks back and does the same with hers.

"Luke." She smiles. "He stole yours."

Smirking back, he tries not to laugh. "You have a point. Thankfully he's on the other side of the continent."

They get in the car and he drives off after they put their seatbelts on.

"Is it far away?"

"Not really. A few miles maybe. But this is LA. It could take anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour."

"Ok." She accepts, looking out the window as they drive through the crowded streets. Some time later, he pulls the car in front of the small house only to be greeted by a chorus of dogs barking. He turns around to look at her but finds her sleeping in the passenger seat and he runs a hand through his hair, trying to decide what to do. He puts a hand on her shoulder and repeats her name a few times but she doesn't react so he just gets out of the car and walks inside, dropping the bags in the living room and leaving the front door open. He goes back to the car, petting the dogs as he walks past them, and picks her up, pushing the door and the gate closed with his foot and carries her inside, finally putting her down in the bed in the bedroom. Pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, he exhales as he looks at her sleeping form, curled up in a corner of the big bed.

"No matter how this ends…I hope it helps you."


	4. Monday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. **

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**Monday  
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The next morning Rory walks out of the bedroom and into the living room, hesitantly, and sees him sitting on the couch, reading. She smiles weakly and waves when he looks up.

"Morning." He greets her, putting the book down. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah."

"There's breakfast in the kitchen. I assumed you were going to be starving."

"Thanks." She smiles, this time less hesitantly then looks around her. "Which way to the kitchen?"

Smirking, he gets up and walks to her, pointing to a door. "That way."

She nods and walks into the small kitchen, with Jess following closely and sees the impressive spread on the table. Turning around she smiles at him.

"You went all out."

"I've seen you eat. Coffee should still be hot but I can make a fresh pot if you want."

"You've done too much already…" She says, a hint of sadness in her voice and he picks up on it so he grabs a mug and points to a chair.

"Sit down. I can get this for you."

Nodding she takes a seat and he pours coffee in the mug, then places it in front of her. "Omelette, bacon, toast, waffles. A, b, c, d or all of the above?"

"All of the above." She grins, sipping from her mug. Jess just nods, smiling as well and loads the food onto a plate, then sits across from her, picking up his mug from a counter.

"You're not going to eat?" Rory asks.

"I've eaten."

"How long have you been up?"

"A couple of hours. Fed the dogs, made breakfast, watched the news."

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to fall asleep last night."

"It's ok. You looked like you needed it."

"I didn't get any sleep the night before. I was trying to decide if I should come and then packing. I really didn't mean to." She apologizes again, listing all the reasons.

"Rory…it's ok. Really." He reassures her once more. "As long as you're staying tonight as well because we still need to talk…"

"Yeah. I am." She nods.

"All good then."

"Why tonight? Can't we just talk now?"

"Or we could go to the beach, read, enjoy the day. Talks are better had at night."

"Postpone the inevitable?"

"Why not?" He counters her question.

"Ok." She agrees, digging into the food on her plate.

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That night, they're sitting in the living room, looking at each other, both waiting for the other one to speak first. Hoping the other one would speak first.

"Why are you marrying him?" Jess asks, his fists clutching at his sides.

"He's a good man, Jess. We have a good life together."

"And that's all you need? A good life? Rory…"

"Don't! Just don't. It's ok. I'm fine with it."

"You're not supposed to be fine with it. That's not how life should be."

"Jess…"

"Nope. You're going to listen to this." He stands up, angered by her indifference. "Life is supposed to be about more than just comfort. I asked you why you're marrying him. You didn't even say it was because you love him."

"I do love him…" She tries to argue weakly.

"Enough to last for the rest of your life? To gloss over the next time he cheats on you? To give up everything you've ever dreamed of just to make him happy?"

"I'm not giving anything up!"

"Oh, you're not? You're working for his daddy. You go to his parties. How about seeing the world? What happened to that? Fuck that, what happened to you? When did you become that girl? The one that lets things happen and not gives a damn?"

"Jess…" She pleads with him again, hoping he'll stop, tears pooling in her eyes.

"You used to have dreams! You used to be your own person! You knew what you wanted to do. Now you've settled for doing what's expected of you, without thinking about you're giving away. "

"Stop…just stop!" She begs him, the tears now running down her cheeks.

"I'll stop right now if you tell me this is how you want to live the rest of your life. I swear I'll back off. Just say the words and I'll admit to being an idiot and getting in over my head and leave you alone."

He looks at her, waiting for her to speak but she just looks back at him, still crying.

"Say something." _–don't cry, please, I hate being the one that makes you cry-._

"What do you want me to say?" She asks between sobs.

"Anything. Be angry, tell me you hate me, just…something."

"I don't hate you."

"Fine, then tell me I'm a dick. That I am completely wrong and you're happy with your life." He kneels down in front of her, lifting her chin up with his hand, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Please, Rory." He's the one pleading this time and it just make her cry harder.

"Why do you fucking care all of a sudden?" She finally recoils, moving away from him and he stands back up, waiting to hear what she has to say. "You didn't care when you left me! Why does it suddenly matter?"

"That was 6 years ago, Rory! When are you ever going let that go?"

"Never! You left. You just took off. Didn't bother to say goodbye, to leave a note. I trusted you! I believed you wouldn't do that again but, hey, maybe you just wanted to prove me wrong. So who do you think you are attacking me when you haven't even apologized for that or for any of the other stunts you pulled. Do you really think it was that easy to just watch you bounce in and out of my life, over and over again? That it didn't kill me every single time?"

"I was 18! I didn't know what I was doing! And didn't you already get back at me for that in Philadelphia?"

"Philadelphia wasn't even close to what you deserved. You have no idea how many nights I cried, wondering what I had done wrong. How many times I went over every single moment in my head, trying to figure out what made you hate me so much!"

"I didn't hate you! Leaving had nothing to do with you!"

"And couldn't you have bothered to tell me that instead of just taking off? Or would you like to talk about all the times you bounced back? What, you thought you hadn't done enough damage the first time?"

"Years ago! I didn't know what I was doing back then!"

"Well if you get to use that, I get to say I was emotional and therefore not thinking in Philly. We both know our excuses are bull anyway, so why not just say the words and pretend it doesn't matter ?Did you just ask me to come so you can yell at me and get back for that?"

"I don't want to get back at you! I want you to say you're happy with your life but you don't seem to be able to do that! You're bringing up stuff that doesn't matter, trying to avoid the things that do! You want me to be a bastard so you don't have to face that you're a fucking coward!"

"Maybe I am a coward but you know what? It's my life to throw away! Why does it matter to you?"

"It just does! I don't know why so yeah, maybe I haven't changed and still don't know what I'm doing but at least I'm trying! You've given up because you're scared!"

"I'm not scared! Fine, maybe I'm settling for a cozy life but I get to make that choice! You never cared about anything anyway so stop messing up my life!"

"I don't have to care to tell you you're being an idiot! I'm not telling you to leave that idiot, just reconsider why you're marrying him! Is it because you truly love him and want this or is it because you're too afraid to even consider other options? You're so intent on being the fucking self-sacrificing princess, as always, that you seem to forget you're not living in a Victorian novel. You weren't promised to him, it's not your holy duty to marry him if you don't want to. But you love being the martyr. How do you sleep at night knowing that you're giving yourself up to please everyone else?" He asks bitterly.

She takes a step back, his words hitting harder than before. "Not this again! We haven't talked in years! You don't know anything about me so what the hell makes you think this isn't who I really am?"

"I know you. I loved you. I remember you back when you still thought for yourself! You would have never let me get away with half the things I've said to you in the last couple of days back then. If this is really who you want to be, then why don't you just say so? My offer still stands. Tell me this is what you want, not just what will please everyone else and I won't say anything else."

She looks down, biting her lip, a million thoughts rushing through her head and he just shakes his head sadly.

"Do you even remember how to feel anything?" He whispers, taking a small step towards her. "Rory…" He whispers again, lifting her chin up with his hand.

"I'm angry right now…does that count?" She asks after a few seconds of silence, chuckling humorlessly, not bothering to keep pretending that everything was fine.

"It's a step ahead. At least you've stopped being numb."

"What next?" She questions him, hoping he has the answer.

"I…don't know. Spend a few days here, away from your life. Think things over. Ask yourself what went wrong. If you're this way because of him or because of everything else. Then decide what has to change."

Nodding softly, she wraps her arms around herself. "I…think I'm going to go get some sleep. It's been a long day."

"Ok. If you need anything…"

"I'll knock."

"Good."

She waves before turning around and walking to the bedroom, leaving him standing there, looking at the door closing behind her.

* * *

Hours later, he's walking back from the kitchen, a glass of water in his hand, when he hears a noise coming from her room. He opens the door slowly and sees her curled up in a corner of the bed _–she's so small, too small, too hurt-_. He hears her whimper again and sits down next to her, putting the glass down on the nightstand and caressing her hair slowly, trying to calm her down.

"Rory…" He whispers her name but she just hugs her knees to her chest even tighter.

"You were right…I don't think I know who I am anymore."


	5. Tuesday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I'm extremly attached to this story and it means a lot to know you guys like it.  


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**Tuesday**

Tuesday morning, she wakes up and sees him sleeping next to her. She tries to get out of bed slowly but he stirs, opening his eyes.

"Morning."

"Morning." He replies, sitting up and stretching his arms a couple of times, looking around him. "Must have fallen asleep here last night. Sorry."

"It's fine. Thank you. For being here." She smiles at him and he returns the smile, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm around for more than just yelling at you." He replies honestly.

"I know." She stands up, noticing for the first time that she still had her shoes on. "I'm gonna go make some coffee. I can feed the dogs if you tell me where their food is."

"I've got it." He assures her. "I'll just go take a shower and meet you in the kitchen, ok?"

"Ok." She nods. "Can we go back to the beach later? It's peaceful there."

"Sure."

"And…not talk about things again?"

"I think that's what makes it so peaceful." He chuckles. "Works for me."

"Thanks." She smiles, walking out of the room and going to the kitchen, getting ready to start another day.  


* * *

The evening finds them again sitting in the living room, watching TV, not knowing how to switch from friendly chatter to talking about serious things. This time she's the first one to say something.

"Why did you ask me to come with you?"

"I don't know. I've got tryouts for the part of knight in shining armor. I'm practicing." He replies smirking, remembering his conversation with Lorelai. Rory just giggles softly.

"I don't think I could ever picture you in that part."

"What part did I take in your stories?"

"Honestly?" She asks.

"Nope, I want you to lie." He answers sarcastically.

"I think for a while you were the one I want to share my happily ever after with. Then things changed and you turned into the monster. Then I became the monster, and I don't know what that makes you, unless you want to be the pretty princess. You never had just one part."

"Fair enough."

She tries to say something but her phone rings and she picks it up, her eyes growing more serious when she sees the name on the screen. "It's Logan. I should take this."

"Well, it only took him 3 days to remember to call." He rolls his eyes and she stands up, taking the phone with her.

"I'll be back in 5 minutes."

She walks to the bedroom, closing the door behind her and flips the phone open.

"Hey." She greets the man.

"_Where the hell are you?"_

"You're back home…" She whispers, her mind racing, trying to think of an explanation.

"_Yes, and you're not here. Care to explain?"_

"I needed a break."

"_And you couldn't be bothered to call and tell me?"_

"Logan…you know what happened last time I called you on a business trip. I don't want to fight with you anymore. We had a deal and I kept my end of it. You didn't."

"_Fine, whatever. You still haven't told me where you are."_

"It doesn't matter. I needed time to think."

"_What exactly do you have to think about?"_

"Everything."

"_The wedding?"_

"Maybe. Just…give me some time. I'll be back in a few days."

"_Did you change your mind?" _He asks her and she looks for any sign of fear in his voice, but only finds annoyance and anger.

"No, Logan, it's nothing like that. I just had to be away from things for a while."

"_I'm sure Emily will be terribly excited about this little stunt of yours." _He mutters at the other end of the line.

"Don't threaten me with telling my grandmother! I'm not a toddler, Logan. I get to decide what I want to do. I'm not going to argue with you about this any longer on the phone."

"_What the hell's gotten into you? This isn't you."_

"Yes, it is. Now while I know you have the right to be angry, I'm not doing anything wrong and I'm definitely not doing anything you haven't done before. I don't want to argue with you. I'll be back in a few days and we can talk about this then."

"_Ace, I think it would be wiser if you came back tomorrow, not in a few days."_

"What part of 'I need time' didn't you get, Logan? I'm sorry you're angry, but please respect my choice."

"_Do whatever the fuck you want. We'll talk when you get back."_

With that, she hears the known click on the other end of the phone and the line goes silent. She stares at the piece of technology in her hand and sighs, then throws it on the bed. Remembering that Jess was waiting for her back in the other room, she opens the door and walks out, sitting back down in her chair.

"Do we pretend I didn't hear that or can we talk about it?" He asks and she looks at him surprised. "I wasn't eavesdropping. The walls are thin."

"How much did you hear?"

"Just your side of the conversation. They're not that thin. Why are you marrying him, Rory?"

"I love him."

"Why?" He asks and she just stares at him.

"Why…do I love him?"

"Yes."

"I don't know, Jess. I just do. How do you expect me to answer that question?"

"Stop thinking about what I expect. I don't care how you answer it, as long as you answer it. Tell me you love him because he makes you laugh. He's good with kids. He holds your hand when you walk down the street. Just give me a reason. Less than that, sing his praises. Talk about all the good things about him."

"Jess…I…"

"Fine, maybe you don't want to tell me about it. Don't say it out loud then. Are there reasons or are you just used to him?"

"You don't know us together, Jess."

"That doesn't have anything to do with what I'm saying. Just think about it. When you say your vows...will you mean them?" He asks, looking straight at her and she lowers her eyes, trying to avoid his gaze.

"I love him."

"You keep saying that like it's some magic formula that will make everything better. Who are you trying to convince? Me or you?"

Running her hands through her hair, she sighs, still looking down at her feet. "I…"

"Yeah, I know, you love him." He snaps, frustrated by her insistence. "I need a drink." He stands up and opens a cabinet, picking up a bottle of vodka. "Do you want some?"

"Sure." She nods and he picks up a couple of glasses, pouring the clear liquid in them.

"I'll get some ice." He walks to the kitchen, slamming the door behind him. Once he's inside he stares at a wall for a minute, trying to calm himself down. When that doesn't work, his hand almost instinctively forms a fist and punches the wall. Looking down at his now grazed knuckles he sighs and shoves it in the pocket of his jeans, wincing when the wound rubs against the fabric. He picks up the ice from the freezer and walks back to the living room. He throws the tray on the table and sits back down in his chair. Rory looks at him, picking up ice cubes from the tray.

"2? 3?"

"Huh?"

"Ice."

"Doesn't matter."

"Ok." She hands him his glass then picks up hers and sips from it. "What was the noise?"

"Something fell from the fridge." He responds and she looks at him.

"So you're going to force honesty out of me while lying?"

"What do you mean?"

"I know what someone punching a wall sounds like, Jess." She stands up, walking towards him. "Can I see it?"

Nodding, he takes his hand out of his pocket and she kneels in front of him, picking up his hand in hers and examining the forming bruise. Blowing softly over it, she looks at him. "Does it hurt?"

"That's kind of the point." He chuckles humorlessly, looking into her eyes. "How do you know the sound?"

"It's Logan's preferred method of dealing with anger. You should put something on this."

"I guess I do have something in common with that jerk, after all." He relaxes as she continues to look at his hand. Before she gets to say anything, a thought crosses his mind and he looks back at her. "He doesn't…take out on you, does he? Because if he's ever dared to even think about it…" He doesn't finish his sentence, looking at her.

"Jess, no!" She assures him, standing back up. "It's nothing like that. He just gets angry with his dad and work and takes it out on the walls."

"Why doesn't he quit then? If his job makes him that unhappy…?"

"I told you, he tried." She answers, sitting back down in her chair. "It just didn't work out."

"And he ran back to daddy." He snaps again, his fingers clenching around the glass in his hand.

"Don't judge him for that. He made a choice and he's living with it. It makes him miserable enough as it is."

"Why do you keep finding excuses for him, Rory? If he hates his job that much, I'm willing to bet it wouldn't take him that long to find a new one. It's his choice and he's dragging you with him."

"Jess…"

"Nope. He's supposed to make you happy. If you love him that much, why are you like this? Fuck, if he loves you that much why is he letting you do this to yourself? He's supposed to help you build your dreams, not just the other way around."

"It's not his fault!"

"Then whose is it? His parents'? Your grandparents'? Who else are you going to blame before you look at your relationship and realize that something is wrong?"

"What the hell makes you say that?" She asks him, angry again. "We love each other. Everything is ok."

"Rory, I'm not saying you don't. You know what you're feeling better than I do and certainly know more about him than me. But why isn't he the one telling you all this? Why isn't he moving mountains to make sure you're happy? Why did I have to come in and drag you all the way out here before you could realize that something wasn't right?"

"So now you know everything about love now, Jess? Let's not go there again…"

Running a hand through his hair, he sighs again. "I don't claim I do. Trust me, I've made my mistakes and there have been more than those you know about. I'm willing to admit that. But…love isn't supposed to make you unhappy. Not when you have the one you love and certainly not when you're planning your wedding. It shouldn't change you completely. Fuck it, you're supposed to trust the man you're going to marry. You can't call him while he's away? Doesn't that ring any alarms bells with you? Why is that? Please explain it to me, because I've been trying to understand it for the last hour."

"He doesn't want to get distracted. It's as simple as that."

"That's simple? He hates his job. Shouldn't he welcome the distraction? Maybe I don't know what I'm talking about, but if it were me, I'd like to get a call from the woman I love enough to want to spend the rest of my life with."

Instead of answering she just looks at him, finishing her drink.

"Listen…it's late and I have a big day tomorrow." He says again after a few seconds of silence. "Go to bed and think about this. Try and remember why you fell in love with him. Is any of that still there? And don't take this the wrong way because I said it once and I'll say it again, I have no interest in this. But sometimes people do fall out of love. It happens. It doesn't have to be anyone's fault. But if that's what happened here, don't just marry him because you're too afraid to let everyone else down. It's your life that's at stake here. Ignore what they have to say. Just think about what I've said tonight, ok?"

She nods, standing up.

"Good night, Jess." She smiles weakly.

"Nigh." He replies, watching her leave again for her room, still sitting in his chair, thinking of all that had happened and all that had been said. Finishing his drink, he sighs and gets up, going to his room, turning off the light on the way out.


	6. Wednesday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews. I'm giving a special thanks to a real life friend who let me use a part of his story of an interview for this chapter. **

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****Wednesday**

That afternoon, they're sitting on the beach, hidden in the shadow, reading quietly. He's smoking, putting his book down and picking it back up every five minutes. Finally she has enough of his fidgeting and looks at him.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He replies, quashing his cigarette butt on a rock and immediately lighting another one.

"Yes, because chain smoking is always a sign of calm and happiness."

Looking back at her, he takes a long drag out of his cigarette. "I'm nervous. About tonight."

"It's going to be fine. I promise." She smiles softly, putting her hand on his shoulder and squeezing it gently.

"It's not that simple, Rory. This is…pretty much everything I've ever wanted. If this works out, my book will be published. Sold in bookstores without me running around and bribing, threatening and begging. It's a huge deal."

"I know, Jess." She assures him again, still smiling. "I still think you have nothing to worry about. Just stand straight, breathe and if anything else fails, make conversation with this guy about his favorite book, because I'm willing to bet you've read it."

"Woman. Not guy."

"Then remember to smile. It's even more important with women than it is with men."

"Learned that at work or from all the parties?"

"Jess…" She sighs, and he wonders how many times she's said his name like that in the last days, trying to keep him quiet.

"It doesn't matter anyway. I'm not going to get it."

"Stop this. Please…" She pleads with him, wrapping her arms around her legs, trying to stop herself from touching him again to calm him. "It will be ok. It has to be. You deserve this."

"Rory, this woman's a bitch. There's no way she'll publish my book."

"What can I do to convince you it's going to be ok?"

"Nothing." He chuckles softly, taking another drag from his cigarette. "I'll just keep on smoking…" He lifts his cigarette up to prove his point. "…And go over my lies in my head."

"Why lie?"

"It's complicated."

"I can listen. Explain why you have to lie."

"Because…well, she doesn't trust single male writers. Apparently we're all untrustworthy. So I have to spend my night talking about my imaginary girlfriend and hope she buys it because I'll be damned if I let her insanity get in the way of this."

She looks at him, pushing a strand of hair back behind her ear. "You don't have to lie. I..can come with you. Pretend I'm your girlfriend."

"Nope." He refuses, blowing smoke out.

"Why not?"

"Because if I can't ask you to this."

"You're not asking me to do anything, Jess. I'm offering. You're doing all this for me. I can at least try to help you."

"No."

"Are you refusing because you don't want me there?"

"I'm refusing because if I do this, I'm exactly like him." He states, looking straight into her eyes and she bites her lip.

"You're nothing like Logan."

"And yet, if I do this, that's what I'll be. Taking advantage of you to get what I want. No way."

"Jess, listen to me for once, will you?" She puts her hand back on his arm, and he just looks at her. "You can say 'no' if you don't want me there. If you think it would be weird. But don't say no just because you think it will make you a bastard. I want to do this. This is the least I can do, after all you've done in the last few days. I go to his parties so that he can have someone to drive him home at the end of the night. Me coming with you is nothing like that. So…please let me do it." She pleads with him and he just shakes his head slowly, looking away from her.

"I can't." He shakes his head again, quashing this cigarette as well.

"If you change your mind…I'm here, ok?"

"Yeah." He sighs, looking away from her and at the ocean. "Have you thought about what I said last night?" He changes the subject.

"Yeah." She mimics his reply.

"And?"

"And...I'm still thinking."

"Is that a good or a bad sign?"

"I don't know." She sighs this time.

* * *

Hours later, he's in his room, nervously pacing when she knocks softly.

"Come in."

Walking in the room, she looks at him, smiling.

"Feeling better?"

"Worse." He chuckles humorlessly, trying to at least appear calm.

"You can choose not to believe me if you don't want to, but it will be fine." She smiles, trying to reassure him.

"You're right…I don't believe you."

Laughing softly, she pulls down on her shirt. "I'll let you get dressed and go feed the dogs."

"Ok."

She starts walking out of the room but he stops her.

"Rory?"

Turning around, she looks at him. "Yeah?"

"I've changed my mind. Come with me. Please." Instead of looking at her, he just lowers his eyes, his fists clenching on his sides.

"I'll be ready in 20 minutes." She replies, walking quickly out of the room, not wanting to give him a chance to reconsider again.

* * *

Half an hour later, he knocks at her door, trying to breathe regularly. She opens the door, smiling, in a knee-length dark red dress. Looking at her, he smirks.

"You had that with you?"

"Lorelai's rule number 3. Always be prepared for everything."

"Ok. Guess I should be thankful for that rule, then."

"You should only be calm and relax, ok?" She smiles again, arranging the collar of his shirt. "Ready?"

"Nope."

"You better be because otherwise we'll be late."

"Just…tell me again it will be fine."

She sneaks her arm though his, closing the door behind her. "It will be fine."

* * *

Walking towards the table in the little restaurant, his hand placed firmly on the small of her back he leans over. "Don't let me say anything stupid, please?"

"I won't. Stop worrying."

"No way I can do that." He smiles as they get to the table and the other woman stands up, a fake smile plastered on her face.

"Mr. Mariano, it's a pleasure to finally meet you." She says as she extends her hand and he shakes it, while Rory just looks at the interaction between the two of them. "Just call me Jess, please. This is Rory. My…uh, girlfriend." He hesitates for a second but she doesn't seem to notice and instead just shakes Rory's hand as well. "Rory, this is Laura Christie." As they all sit down, the woman looks at her, smiling.

"Men, huh?"

"I'm sorry?" Rory asks, confused.

She just points at Rory's left hand, her smiling getting bigger. "It's new, isn't it? He's still not used to it?"

Finally remembering her ring, Rory smiles, trying to save the situation. "Yes, just last week. I don't think either one of us has gotten used to the idea yet."

"Oh, well, you'll have plenty of time." She replies with a polite smile as she flags down the waiter.

* * *

Almost an hour later, Laura looks at her watch and then back at Jess, who had finally relaxed.

"I think I've been postponing this far too long already and I have a flight to catch tonight so I should get to the point, right, Jess?"

He nods and his hand instinctively reaches for Rory's, grasping it tightly. She looks down and just runs her thumb over his fingers, trying to calm him down. Smiling at their action, the other woman finishes her drink before continuing her thought.

"I've read your book. It's good. I'm not going to lie and say it's the best book I've ever read but it has potential. You still need to work on it. There are bits that shouldn't be there and things that could be clearer. It needs at least a couple more rounds of edits and, frankly, I still hadn't decided if I wanted to publish it an hour ago. But you seem like you know what you're doing, you certainly really want this and I have faith that with Rory's help you'll actually stick to it and not just abandon it, like other young writers would do."

"You mean…"

"Yes, that was my very long way of saying that I think we're going to publish your novel. You still have to meet with John and he'll overlook your work and work out whatever details are left but we're going ahead with this. Congratulations, Jess."

Trying to understand what she'd just said, he looks at Rory who's smiling madly at him and blinks a few times before regaining his calm, then turns back to face Laura.

"Thanks."

"Just don't let me down, ok?"

"I won't." He shakes his head.

"You'll make sure he works on it?" The woman asks Rory.

"I will." She responds, squeezing his hand.

"Perfect. Now sorry to cut this short but I do have a plane to catch. I've taken care of the bill so I'm just going to let you kids celebrate this. We'll be in touch, Jess. It was a pleasure meeting you both."

"You too." Rory replies, shaking her hand again as Jess stands up. They say their goodbyes quickly and the two watch the woman walk away. As soon as she's out, Jess looks back at Rory.

"I…need to be outside right now."

"Ok." Getting up, they walk out as well, waving politely at the waiter as they pass him by. As soon as they're outside, Jess picks up a cigarette from his pack and leans back against a wall, lighting it and taking a drag out of it.

"Did she really say…?"

"Yeah…she did." She replies, beaming proudly and he just looks back at her, still trying to process it. "Jess…?"

"Yeah?"

"Your book's getting published." As soon as she finishes the sentence she sees him smiling and, without realizing it, she walks up to him and wraps her arms tightly around him, pulling him into a hug. After a few moments, he reacts and wraps an arm around her as well, throwing his cigarette to the ground.

"I'm so happy for you." She whispers, tangling her hand in his hair.

Pulling back and letting go of her, he looks straight into her eyes. "You mean that?"

"What do you mean?" She asks, confused. "Of course, I'm happy for you. This is huge, Jess. It's amazing."

"Not that. You really mean that you're happy?"

Taking a step back, she looks down at her feet, biting her lip. When she looks back up, she nods slowly. "Yeah. I do."


	7. Thursday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews.**

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****Thursday**

Thursday night finds them again in the living room, in their chairs, drinking slowly and looking at each other, waiting for the next round. Pouring some more vodka in her glass she looks at him.

"You know…I still don't know anything about your life."

"That because there's nothing to know. I've become very boring in the past few years."

"I don't buy that."

"Trust me, it's true."

"Just tell me something about yourself, Jess."

"Why?" He looks straight into her eyes and she looks away from him.

"I want to know. Isn't that good enough?"

"You want to know or you want me to talk about my life so we don't have to talk about yours?"

Sighing, she sips from her glass again. "Both, I guess. I'm just…tired. You can yell at me later but do this for me and just talk about yours for a while."

"That's all that's registered with you? The yelling? You really think that's what I am doing? Think I enjoy it?"

"No, Jess. I…know what you've been saying. I'm thinking about it."

"Promise?"

"Yeah." She nods.

"Fine. What do you want to know about my life? I still work at Truncheon, I still live above it. It's all pretty straightforward."

"If I ask you something, will you be honest when you answer?" She questions him, biting her lip.

"Yep." He agrees.

"And…you won't get angry?"

"Why would I be angry?" He asks her back, finishing his drink.

"Because it's something personal."

"Ask away." He agrees, filling his glass back again.

"The other night…you said that you've made more mistakes in love than the ones I know of. What did you mean?"

Sighing, he looks at the glass in his hand. "There was someone else for a while."

"What's a while?"

"Almost 2 years."

"That's…a long while."

"Maybe."

"So…what happened?" She asks him.

"The usual. Boy and girl meet, fall in love or at least think they do, boy and girl break up." He chuckles softly.

"You're going to have to give me more than that."

"Why?" He questions her again.

"The answer to that is going to be the same no matter how many times you ask. I want to know."

"It doesn't matter. Not anymore." He downs his drink swiftly, refilling the glass again.

"Just tell me about it, Jess. We've been talking about me for too long. I'm curious."

"Fine. I met her at work, she was looking through the books and asked me about one of them. We started going out. Everything was fine. We were talking about moving in together and things like that. Making plans, being foolish."

"And?"

"And a couple of weeks before the big move, boy finds out that girl has been cheating on him." He says the last sentence calmly and Rory looks at him, putting her glass down on the table.

"Jess…I'm sorry." She whispers, getting up and walks to him. Crouching down so she's closer to his level, she puts her hand on his arm. "I'm really sorry."

"It's ok. It's been a while. I'm fine." He replies, drinking from his glass again.

"Jess…" She whispers again and he looks at her.

"I really am fine. You'd be amazed at how quickly you can fall out of love when someone let's you down."

"Ok." She nods, standing up again and refilling both their glasses. "Did she give you any explanation?" She asks, sitting back down in her chair.

"The usual bullshit. I didn't pay enough attention to her, I spent too much time writing, I didn't love her enough. It doesn't matter anymore. Didn't matter then, either."

"She's an idiot." She chokes out, finishing her full glass in one go.

"Why do you say that?"

"I've read your book."

"I know you have, I gave it to you. I still don't get what that has to do with anything."

"Not _The Subsect_. The other one."

He looks at her, surprised by what she's just said.

"How?"

"Luke."

"Figures." He sighs frustrated, running a hand through his hair.

"Don't be mad at him. I was just up in his apartment with mom one day and saw it."

_A few months before._

"_Luke, what's this?"_

"_What?"_

_She lifts the book, showing him the cover._

"_That's…um…" The man stutters, not knowing how to reply._

"_Jess' book."_

"_Yeah."_

"_Why didn't I know he wrote another one?"_

"_It wasn't my place to tell you, Rory. It's his thing. I'm staying out of it."_

"_Did he come by to give you this?"_

_The man just shakes his head, sadly. "I think there are very few things in this world that could make him come back to this place."_

_Nodding, she hugs the book to her chest. "I know. Can I borrow this…?"_

"I still don't get what that has to do with anything. It's not a love story."

"Maybe I am insane and maybe it really doesn't have anything to do with it, but there were a few scenes in there…they weren't your characters, it was you. Yeah, it's not a book about love but the guy is in love and in those scenes… You said it a few days ago, you know me because you loved me. I know you for the same reason. I don't think anyone else would pick up on it. But it was you. And, when someone loves you like that, you don't fuck it up because it doesn't happen that often. That's what makes her an idiot."

Instead of replying, he drinks some more, looking at her, a million thoughts rushing though his mind. She fills the glasses once more before she continues.

"And, maybe you will hate me for saying this but I don't think I care, I'm jealous of her. I was never loved that way. Dean was nice and peaceful, you only knew how to break my heart back then and Logan…well, he's Logan. I don't doubt he loves me in his way, but it's not like that. He used to make me live at a thousand miles a minute, but he never loved me that way. So yeah…I'm jealous."

"So why are you fucking up on your chance of finding that love and marrying him?" He asks her after a few moments of silence.

"Because I'm tired. I can't keep searching forever. I can't keep having my heart broken. It hurts too much."

"So you're giving up?"

"Yeah."

He's silent again and she just looks down at her feet, picking up her glass again.

"Don't." He manages to whisper and she looks at him.

"Why not?"

"Because it would be the stupidest thing you've ever done." He answers honestly. "Yeah, having your heart broken hurts like hell. But if you give up, you give up on the good parts as well. You'll never get to just hold someone's hand and be happy with it. Hug someone and know there's no other place you would rather be. Make love, not just fuck someone."

Standing up, she takes a few angry steps around the room. "Don't say that to me. You of all people don't get to say that to me."

"Why not?"

"Because you gave up on me. You say you loved me and yet, you never stood still. I'm giving up a potential love. The chance for one. You gave up on something real. So don't you fucking lecture me about giving up on a chance to love when you just bailed."

"So what? Because I was a bastard I don't get to point out that you're being an idiot? We're not going to go through this again. I've said what I had to say the other night. Now it's your choice to make. But don't tell me I shouldn't tell you this because of that. Because I just left, I didn't give up."

"Oh, no, of course not." She snaps, sarcasm in her words.

Standing up, he walks closer to her. "I didn't give up, Rory. I loved you for a long time after I left. But I couldn't be there and you couldn't be with me. It just wasn't meant to be. So don't accuse me of giving up."

"Don't lie, Jess." She snaps again, still angry.

"I'm not. I only gave up when you didn't leave me with any other choice. Or what did you expect of me? What should I have done to make you happy? Keep on loving you all this time while you ran around with that idiot, not giving a fuck about my existence? Would that have made you happy?"

Shaking her head, she looks down at her feet.

"You want to know one last thing?" He asks and she nods slowly, looking back at him. "I wrote that book at the same time I wrote _The Subsect_."

"You mean…?" She manages to whisper after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah. It wasn't about her. It was about you."

Almost without realizing, they both step closer to each other, not breaking eye contact until they're an inch apart. She's the first one to close her eyes and he does the same just as their lips touch. He pushes her against the wall, his hands cupping her face while his mouth attacks hers furiously and she responds, her fists clenching around his shirt, pulling him closer. Blood is rushing through them, their hearts beating faster and their minds stop working.


	8. Friday

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews.  
**

* * *

**Friday**

_Almost without realizing, they both step closer to each other, not breaking eye contact until they're an inch apart. She's the first one to close her eyes and he does the same just as their lips touch. He pushes her against the wall, his hands cupping her face while his mouth attacks hers furiously and she responds, her fists clenching around his shirt, pulling him closer. Blood is rushing through them, their hearts beating faster and their minds stop working. _

As quickly as they'd started, he pulls back, her hands losing their grip and falling down at the sides of her body.

"I…can't be here right now." He whispers, not looking at her and turns around quickly, opening the door and walking out. She remains standing there, disbelief written on her face as she hears the front door opening and closing.

A couple of hours later, he returns, creaking the doors softly in the dark, trying not to make any noise only to find her on the couch, hugging her knees, her cheeks streaked by mascara. He sits down next to her, throwing his jacket to the side.

"God, you must really hate me." She whispers, not looking at him.

"I don't hate you." He whispers back, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"Then why did you leave?" She asks, finally looking at him as she wipes her cheeks with the back of her hands.

"Because I'm not a saint, nor do I have the self-restraint of one. I had to get away from you before we did something we would have both regretted in the morning."

She looks at him, his words sinking in slowly. "I don't know if I would have regretted it." She manages to whisper after a few seconds of silence.

"All the more reasons to stop. You're supposed to regret cheating. Or did you forget about that ring on your finger? You're going to marry someone else, Ror…" His voice cracks as he says the last sentence and she stares at her hand, feeling like the ring was getting smaller and smaller, cutting the blood flow, hurting her.

"I…"

"Don't say it. Just don't say that."

"Don't say what?" She questions him and he sighs.

"Don't say you love him." He answers, wiping a smudge of mascara she had missed.

She doesn't reply, instead she keeps looking at her finger.

"I can't break up with him. Our wedding is in less than a month. Invitations are out, people have RSVPed. Everything is paid for and set. We've even started to receive presents."

"Ignore that, Rory! Forget about everything else and just think what you want to do! I'm sure your families won't miss the money. People can just spend a nice Saturday at home. Don't do it for those reasons. Only marry him if you really love him. If there is no one else you can imagine spending the rest of your life with." He takes a deep breath. "Marry him if that kiss didn't mean anything…"

Burying her head in her palms, she sighs. "I can't let all of them down."

"Rory…look at me." He pleads with her. When she doesn't do anything, he takes her hand and pries it away from her face, lifting her chin with his finger. "Look at me." She opens her eyes and looks at him, a new batch of tears building up. "You can do it. Fuck them. Fuck all of them. If you don't want to marry him, don't. You're stronger than that. I know you're feeling lost but there has to be some part of you that remembers that. I know you. You can do anything you want."

"You've told me that before." She smiles bitterly at the memory of that night, many years ago.

"So are you ever going to start believing me?" He asks her, a faint smile appearing on his lips.

Standing up she just shakes her head. "And what do I do with my life if I break up with him, Jess? I would have to quit my job, move out. Start everything again from scratch. I don't know how to do that."

"And that's what's going to stop you? How easy do you think it would be to start over after a divorce? Because, I'm sorry, Rory, but that's the path you're going on. You don't love him and I seriously doubt he loves you. How else do you think it's going to end? Or even worse…" He stands up and puts his hands on her arms, making her stand still and look at him again. "You're going to keep on like you were until a few days ago. Don't do this to yourself. Don't lose everything you are because you're too scared to start again. Scared of failing."

Looking down at her feet, she shakes her head again. "I…"

"You have so many people rooting for you. No matter what you decide to do, your mom is going to still love you, trust me. Luke? He's always going to be on your side. Your grandparents will get over it. And…" He breathes in deeply, moving his hands up to cup her face. "I'm here. I'm always here."

"How about earlier, Jess?"

Sighing, he lets go of her face. "I can't be the one that helps you cheat on him. Actually no, I don't want to be the guy that you cheat on him with. I'm not doing it out some sort of misunderstood male loyalty or because I give a crap about his feelings. I just don't want to be that for you."

"What do you want to be?" She whispers. "For me?"

"I…am not sure. But we can figure it out. Just don't blow your life because you're too scared or because you care of what other people would say and think."

"What are you saying, Jess?"

"What I've been saying for the last few days. I'm saying that you're doing this for the wrong reasons and you're going to regret it. You're going to be miserable. And…I don't know, maybe I'm saying that I would like another chance to show you what you're missing. I didn't plan for this to happen. I really thought it wouldn't. But now here I am, saying I would like another chance to try and make you happy."

"You mean that?" She whispers again, looking into his eyes.

"Yeah." He nods, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. "Get some sleep. Think about this. All of this. And, when you change your mind again, remember that you weren't going to regret cheating on him. That should at least tell you something."

She nods and walks towards her room but before she reaches the door, she turns around and looks at him one last time. "Goodnight, Jess."

"Night."

* * *

Friday, he wakes up and walks around the house, looking for any signs that she's up as well. When he doesn't find her, he feeds the dogs then walks back inside and knocks on her door. Not getting an answer, he opens it slowly, only to find the room empty, except for a piece of paper on the bed. Sitting down, he picks it up and unfolds it.

"_Dear Jess_

_I'm sorry I left this way. _

_I hope you understand why I had to. _

_The last few days have been…weird. A lot of things have been said and a lot of things have happened. And well…I have a lot of things to think about. But I need to take you out of this equation. I can't base my decision on you. After last night…I don't know.  
_

_I'm not going back to Logan just yet. I'll go to Stars Hollow for a few days, talk this over again with mom and just do a lot of thinking by myself. I don't know if you meant what you said last night and that's why I have to leave and ignore that possibility for now. It's not that I'm doubting you, it's just that it was an emotional night, hell, a few very emotional days and you need a chance to change your mind as well. There's a part of me that says there's nothing I would want more then for you to have meant it. And maybe by leaving I'm completely blowing that chance. I'm not trying to play hard to get or hurt you in any way. I just...really need to be alone for a while. I don't know if you can understand this, yet I'm praying you do.  
_

_Thank you for everything you've done. You really have no idea how much this meant to me. _

_I really am sorry for this,_

_Rory"_


	9. Not ok

**A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews.  
**

* * *

**Not ok**

Saturday night, back in Stars Hollow, Rory walks into the small hallway, dropping her bag on the floor. Hearing the door opening, Lorelai gets up and walks to the door. When she sees her daughter, looking hurt and defeated, she wraps her arms around her in a hug.

"Rory, babe, what's wrong?"

"Can we…" She takes a deep breath before continuing. "Can we not talk about it tonight?"

"Of course we can." Lorelai answers, letting go of her daughter and looking at her. "What do you want to do? Sleep? Ice cream? Coffee? Watch a movie and try to beat the record for the largest quantity of pizza consumed in one night?"

"Sleep. Definitely sleep."

"Ok, hon." Picking up the bag, she head towards Rory's old room and she follows her, both of them quiet. She drops the bag on the floor again and then heads back towards the door. "If you change your mind…?"

"I know where to find you." Rory nods as she sits down on the bed.

"Ok." Lorelai replies as she walks out of the room, leaving the girl alone, closing the door behind her. As soon as she's alone, Rory curls up in a corner of the bed, wrapping a thin sheet around her, looking for comfort.

* * *

A few hours later, Rory hears the phone ringing and her mother's voice in the kitchen.

"Yeah? Oh, hey, mom." A long pause. "No, I still haven't heard from her." Another pause. "I'm sure she's fine." And another one. "Mom, she's an adult. If she wants to go away, there's nothing we can do to stop her." Yet another one. "The police won't do anything. She has the right to leave if she wants to. And frankly, I trust her enough to know she is not doing anything stupid." Again a pause. "She's my kid, mom. I appreciate your concern, but I've got this. I can't keep having this conversation with you. I have to go, I'm sorry."

Getting up from her bed, Rory walks to the kitchen, where she finds her mother staring angrily at the phone.

"You didn't have to lie to grandma for me."

"It's ok. She should stay out of this."

"How long have you been sitting here?" Rory asks, picking up a mug from a cupboard and grabbing the coffee pot.

"About the same amount of time you've been sleeping. I got up for coffee a couple of times."

"I haven't been sleeping." She answers as she sits down and pours coffee in her mug.

"Kid, you have to give me something here. What happened in California?"

Sighing, Rory sips from her coffee. "A lot of talking."

"And?"

"And…I don't know."

"And, for whatever reason, you don't know what else happened or is it just that you haven't decided anything?"

"And I haven't decided anything but I don't want to talk about anything else that happened."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to think about it. I promise I'll explain later but right now…I need to not think about it, ok?" She repeats, looking down into her mug.

"Ok." Lorelai reassures her daughter, reaching across the table and putting her hand on Rory's. "Can we talk about everything else? What did you and Jess talked about?"

"We…talked about Logan a lot. About my life. Stuff." She sips from her cup. "Why are you so calm about this?" She asks, confused.

"You're a grown up. I stand by what I told my mother. You get to decide what you want to do."

"This isn't you, mom. I know you better than this. I expected frantic phone calls from you the second the plane landed, not total silence."

"I tried calling. Your phone's been off for the last 4 days."

"And before that?"

"Rory, you just jumped on a plane and went to California with Jess. I highly doubt that anything I could have said would have made a difference. I wanted to give you space."

"Space?" She asks again, still not understanding what was happening. "You knew I was at the other end of the country with Jess and you decided not to say anything?"

"I…thought he could help." Lorelai whispers, not looking at her daughter.

"You knew about this." She states calmly, finally realizing it.

"Before you get angry with me, just listen until the end, ok?"

Rory nods, waiting to hear what her mother has to say. "I hope someday you'll have your own children and when that happens, you'll understand that there is nothing you wouldn't do for their happiness. Things you never imagine you'd be able to do. In the last few months, you've been anything but happy. And I tried to tell you, talk to you but you wouldn't listen to me. You'd always tell me things were fine and peachy and then just go back to talking about the wedding. And I had to do something. So…I went to Jess. That's why he came here that day. Now California, that…that was his thing. I had no idea about that. Honestly, I was hoping he'd come and tell me I was insane and you were over the moon happy. I'm sorry I lied to you and you can tell me I had no right to do what I did or be angry with me but Rory…I had to do something."

As soon as she finishes, she looks her daughter who's staring down at her coffee cup.

"Rory…say something." She says after a few moments of silence. Rory just shakes her head, still not looking up.

"I…can't believe you did this."

"I'm sorry."

"You said you tried talking to me. Well, you should have tried harder! You weren't supposed to drag Jess into this!"

"So are you angry with me because I did this or because I asked Jess to help me? What exactly happened, Rory? You might not want to think about it, but you have to! Whatever you guys did, you have to face it! Tell me what happened! Talk about it, think about it, just do something! Don't waste your life because you hate me right now or want to prove me wrong. This will hopefully pass. But if you marry Logan…it won't. That's for good."

Standing up, Rory just shakes her head again.

"I can't be in this room with you right now." She says as she walks back to her room, slamming the door behind her, leaving her mother sitting alone in the kitchen.

* * *

The next morning, Rory knocks on her mother's door, opening it slowly. When she sees her daughter, Lorelai sits up on the bed, quickly wiping her face with her palms.

"What's wrong?"

Sitting down on the edge of the bed, Rory just sighs and looks at her. "I'm still angry with you over asking Jess for help. That's…not going to go away so easily. You of all people should understand how I feel right now. Or don't you remember how you felt when grandma invited dad to her vow renewal? It's the same thing, mom. She thought she was doing the right thing as well. But…" She takes a deep breath. "…I need to talk to you. Not about him, I really can't talk about him with you, not right now at least. I need to talk to you about Logan and my wedding. I just…need my best friend right now."

Nodding slowly, Lorelai pushes her hair behind her ears. "Ok. In here or in the kitchen?"

"Kitchen. I have a feeling we'll need coffee for this."

"Ok." She replies, standing up and they both walk down to the kitchen. Once they get there, Lorelai turns on the coffee machine and grabs two mugs, then leans against the counter, looking at her daughter.

"I don't know if I want to marry him."

"Do you love him?" Lorelai asks, picking up the coffee pot and sitting down on the other side of the table. "That's the only thing that matters. Everything else…that's pointless."

"I loved him."

"I don't doubt you did. I don't think anyone is doubting that."

"But that's not enough, is it?" She sighs.

"No. If you don't love him anymore, there has to be a reason for that. And if you're going to marry him hoping that love will come back…trust me, it won't."

"If I do this…well, actually if I don't do this…" She chuckles humorlessly. "Can I stay here for a while? I'd have to move out of his place, obviously."

"Rory, this has always been your house. You can stay here all you want."

"And…can you help me tell grandma and grandpa? I don't want to do it alone. It's already bad enough having to talk to Logan but them…I can't stand letting them down."

"Of course I'll be there. There's no way I would let you face that alone. And as for disappointing them…they will get over it soon. They love you too much not to."

"Ok." Rory nods again. "So, how do I cancel a wedding?"

* * *

Later that day, she unlocks the door to her and Logan's apartment slowly, breathing calmly, preparing for what was going to happen. As soon as enters the room, Logan spots her and stands up, his fists clenched at his sides.

"You finally decided to come back."

"Not for long. I'm…" She breathes in again before continuing. "I'm here to tell you I am not going to marry you. I'm sorry."

He just looks back at her, blinking a few times, trying to understand what she is saying. "You can't be serious."

"I'm sorry, Logan." She repeats, shaking her head sadly.

"You're canceling our wedding with less than a month to go? Are you insane? What the hell's gotten into you?"

"I…think I might have found myself again. I am not trying to hurt you but I just can't do it." She takes a few hesitant steps towards him.

"Do you have any idea how much money you're just throwing out the window if you do this? How long people are going to talk about it? You can't just change your fucking mind, you have responsibilities!"

"Figures…" She whispers, looking at him. "That's all you care about right now, Logan? The money? The gossip? You haven't even asked me why I don't want to marry you anymore. Do you even care about that or is it all about what other people will think to you?"

"Don't turn this on me! I have the right to be angry! I have the right to remind you of all the things you're throwing away by doing this."

"You do get to be angry and to remind me of all that. And that's why…" She exhales before continuing, still calm. "…That's why I am not marrying you. I don't know who you are anymore. You're turning into your father and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And I don't love you anymore. I want to love you, but I don't and I have to stop trying at some point. We haven't been happy together in years. I can't do this to both of us. We'll both be miserable if we go through with this, Logan…" She cups his face in her right hand, trying to get through to him but she just pushes her hand away with his, stepping back.

"Did you discover all this while you were off God knows where, doing whatever the fuck it is you did? Don't push your bullshit on me, Rory. Don't try to pretend you have an excuse for this. That you're doing this for my sake."

"I'm not, Logan. I wanted to marry you, please believe that. When I said 'yes', there was nothing more I wanted to do. But now…it's different. We're different. You can not believe me, but I am doing this for both of us. I'm sorry." She just repeats again as he turns around, pacing around the room. When he finally stops, he looks at her, shaking his head.

"Get out."

"If, when you calm down, you want to talk to me…"

"Just get the hell out!" He snaps before she finishes her sentence and she heads for the front door, opening it. She turns around one last time before she leaves. "I…really did love you. Goodbye, Logan."

Rushing down the stairs of the building, she opens the car door and jumps in the passenger seat, trying to hold back tears. Lorelai looks at her, rubbing her shoulder gently.

"Are you ok?"

"No." She answers, biting her lip. "I'm really not ok right now."


	10. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

"Tell me I'm not an idiot."

It's been a month since they've last seen each other. A month since California.

That night, he opens the front door, getting ready to yell at whatever lunatic was knocking at almost midnight only to find her standing there, a small smile on her lips while her hands are playing nervously with the strap of her purse.

"Tell me I'm not an idiot, Jess." She repeats, biting her lip and looking at him.

"I don't know. Did you marry him?" He asks.

Lifting her left hand in the air so he can see that there was no ring there this time, she shakes her head. "Nope."

"Then you're not an idiot." Jess replies, smirking.

"It's not what I meant."

"Then what do you want? Because it's a bit late for an IQ test. And I have no idea what made you think this would be the appropriate venue to take one." He teases her, finally relaxed.

"I just…" She looks down at her feet, the same pair of Chucks she had had on the plane covering them, and traces a small line on the concrete with her toes. "I want to know I didn't destroy everything by leaving the way I did. That you didn't change your mind while I was still trying to make up mine."

"Depends."

"On?"

"On what made you come here."

"_Casablanca_." She smiles, getting a smile in return from him.

_Earlier that night, back at the Gilmore house. _

"_I cannot believe we haven't watched 'Casablanca' in almost 3 years! This should be against the law. We should be shot. Hung! Tortured with some medieval device!"_

"_Ok, mom, you've made your point. Repeatedly throughout the night, in fact."_

"_But it is a good movie."_

"_One of the best." Rory sighs, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box. As the final scenes of the movie roll on the screen, Lorelai looks at her daughter only to see a couple of tears rolling down her cheeks. Putting a hand on her shoulder, she squeezes it gently._

"_What's wrong?"_

"_I'm just…why does he let her leave? They're supposed to be together. He shouldn't have to give her up." _

"_Rory, we've seen this movie a billion times. You knew this is how it ends. You've known that since you were 7."_

"_But…it shouldn't. She's being an idiot by leaving! She's…she's giving up on the one guy that loved her that way."_

"_What way?" Lorelai asks, finally realizing what Rory was talking about._

"_The way it's supposed to be. Madly, completely, can't breathe when he's not around, the rest of the world doesn't exist when he's with you. That way. The 'just holding his hand makes me happy' way." She smiles sadly through the tears at the memory of Jess' words. "She settled for the safe guy and let that go. I let that go."_

"_Rory, I know you said you don't want to talk about what happened in California, but it's been a month. You have to give me something here if you want me to help you."_

"_We kissed."_

"_And?"_

"_And he said he used to love me that way. Well, technically that was before we kissed. And then he said he wanted to try and make me happy again and I am stupid and I left and I got on the plane! Why did I get on the plane?"_

"_Because…you were still engaged to another man?"_

"_But Jess makes me happy and he did all that for me, he dragged me to the other end of the country because I was miserable and why am I so stupid? Why did I leave that note? Why did I give him a chance to reconsider?"_

"_Hon, I really can't answer that. But…can I ask you a question?"_

"_Sure."_

"_Why are you telling me all this? Go change the ending, Rory. Go tell him all that and hope it's not too late. _

"_And if it is?" She asks her mother, biting her lip. _

"_There is only one way to find out."_

"_Go see him." Rory states, standing up. "I…thanks, mom."_

"_What for?"_

"_Just…thanks." _

"So…can I still change the ending? Or am I the biggest idiot that ever lived?"

"Rory, I…" He hesitates and she looks at him.

"Can I say something more before you answer that?"

Jess nods, waiting to hear what she has to say.

"I know I shouldn't have left like that. I said it in my note and I will say it again. I am sorry. But I needed to solve things by myself and I honestly wanted to give you a chance to change your mind as well. And, despite the fact that I still think it was the best way to handle things at the time, you have no idea how much I regret it right now, when I am actually facing the possibility that you have but that's how I felt at the time. I should have stayed, I should have talked to you in the morning and asked you for some time, hell, I should have called you in the last few weeks and said I needed time. But it's been stressful and emotional and I've had to deal with a lot of crap and I don't know if I wanted to admit that this is what I wanted to do."

"Rory…"

"Just give me a couple more minutes and then you can ask me to leave if you want to. I did love you that way as well and I was an idiot for not fighting harder for you back then or for not seeing things as they were but we can't change that so I am fighting now. If you don't want this anymore, it's fine, I will be fine and, really, I am grateful for all you've done for me that week. But I do want more and you said you wanted more and we don't have to jump straight into a relationship. We can just go for coffee sometime and spend some time together and see where it goes. Figure it out together, I think that's how you put it. Just…tell me you haven't changed your mind."

"Will you please shut up for a second?" He asks, trying not to laugh.

"Why?"

"So I can kiss you."

Nodding, she smiles as he takes a few steps towards her. When he's close enough, she laces her fingers through his, closing her eyes. His lips touch hers, slowly, hesitantly and she responds, moving even closer to him. As the kiss grows more passionate, he lets go of her hands and wraps his arms around her waist, as she circles his neck with hers. Pulling back, he rests his forehead against hers.

"If I see you running away when I open my eyes…" He whispers and she just smiles, opening hers and placing a small kiss on his mouth.

"Open them." He opens his eyes, kissing her forehead softly.

"Still here."

Hugging him closer, she smiles again. "No other place in the world place I'd rather be."

* * *

**A/N: This seems like a good place to end it. Thank you so much for reading this and for the reviews. You are all truly you again.  
**


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